sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
