how do flat chested girls get laid?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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