you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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