i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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