I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
