I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
