it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
