I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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