I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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