Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
