You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
