Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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