Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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