Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
