dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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