9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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