____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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