just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
