apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
