Christians are straight up FREAKS
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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