I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
