1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
