so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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