I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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