they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
