haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
