I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
