everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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