I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
