Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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