oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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