there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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