Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
