I can tuck mytits in my pants
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
