??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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