would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
