i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
