mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
