is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
