1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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