and you said cock pushups were impossible
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
