glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
