i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
