mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
