yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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