what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
