These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
