I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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