Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
