Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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