did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
