he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
