that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
