I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
